It's Getting Better All the Time
by Lauren-Ash
Summary: Edward POV. Post New Moon. This is just another night for Edward as he is away from Bella. It mainly focuses around a few of his thoughts. See AN.


**It's Getting Better All the Time**

Ivory-Princess

**A/N: This was just an idea that kept coming back to me, so if it doesn't really click with anyone, then I am very sorry. However, this was just what I thought would be another night for Edward's loneliness.**

As I stared out through the window, past the tattered curtains, my mind immediately fell upon her. I thought about the girl who caused the dead life in me to awaken and the cold heart of stone to thaw. I thought about the one who showed me the difference in love and hate. And I loved her more than anyone or anything that has crawled upon this earth.

We had come to the abandoned hotel to escape from the possible dangers of the previous town we had resided in. Washington had held a much more mysterious glimmer than Mexico. I knew, though we had stayed here for over a month, we were going to flee again. We would continue to flee farther and farther until Carlisle had decided that we were all safe again. All I could think about, however, was the further we ran… the further I would be away from Bella. I listened intently—every night—at Carlisle and Esme talking about how they are concerned for me and how they wished to understand the source of my grief. I sighed to myself as I listened to their constant ramblings about their supposed solution to all my problems. However, the only person that knew the cause of my pain was the one girl…who really wasn't a 'girl' at all.

Alice. Alice knows everything about me as if I were just a missing part to her. She has tried to talk to me about Bella since we left Forks with no luck or success at all. Apart of me understands her concern and her sympathy for me, but another part just solely wishes for her to stop. I can't help but keep these feelings of love for Bella and hate for myself locked inside. I realized that they were all worried for me, but again I wished they would just realize that I didn't need their sympathetic pleasantries. I didn't need them to treat me as if I was a human or anything more. I needed to be treated as I was and as I should ever be: a monster and less than a man.

I suppose that I should owe up to the hard truth of the matter; that I am to blame for all of this. This entire situation never would have happened if I had just let things go to course as they were supposed to. Before I had ever breathed her delicious scent of desire and wonder… before I had ever been able to touch her smooth, pale skin against my own… However, to be honest with myself, I can't say that it _shouldn't_ have happened. I am content enough to be able to say that I have fallen in love one time throughout my entire existence and that has been with someone worth every ounce of hurt, pain and mediocrity. Isabella Swan would have been worth going through the apocalypse and back again. Isabella Swan would have been worth giving up my life.

I sighed to myself as I arose from looking through the second story window. I studied the small hotel room I was in and walked across it, the boards creaking helplessly beneath me. I walked over to the bed and slowly sat down onto the plain white sheets. "I love you, Edward…" is what she said to me before I abandoned her. She told me that she loved me and I told her goodbye. May all of the devils torture me until I get what I deserve for hurting such a lovely creature.

"Stop being so hard on yourself, brother," Her voice beckoned me and I scoffed.

"Stop reading my thoughts, dear sister," I returned harshly. "I'm not in the mood for your little mind games, Alice."

She entered the room with such silence and grace; a mere rodent would have been put to shame. "I'm not interested in playing games, Edward," She said quietly. "I'm only interested with what is in your mind—"

"And I'm not," I growled. I could feel my frustration begin to begin as I fell backward onto the bed. "I'd much rather prefer if everyone just let me be."

Alice walked over and kneeled down beside me. "Edward," She began softly. I opened my eyes and raised myself to eye her. "You can talk to me and I will listen."

"And I am aware of that, however I do not wish to talk." I lied back down and tried to hold my anger back. The truth of the matter was, was that I _should _have talked to her… just to release all my inner feelings from growing. I knew that it was probably wrong of me to block her out, but I just couldn't maintain the energy to allow such a thing to happen.

I still felt her presence in the room and opened my eyes. "Alice," I said in a vicious tone. "Leave." I watched as she continued to stare at me. Our eyes locked in a gaze as I rose up from the bed. Her brown eyes surged through mine as I continued to look at her. "Alice…" I repeated.

"She will be fine," Was all she said. My eyes widened as I felt my mouth slowly come ajar. She stared at me, her eyes large with concern. "Bella will be safe, Edward."

All of a sudden, I felt the anger come to surface as I jumped to the wooden floor and growled. "Damn it, Alice, leave me alone!"

She slowly stood to her feet as well and extended her hand to my cheek. I grabbed it before she could make contact. "Stop blocking us out, Edward," She pleaded. "We're trying to help."

"If you would like to help, then do so by _leaving me alone_!" I snapped angrily. "None of you are helping me by your consistent chatter of how you are worried about me."

Alice just stared as I ranted away at her. There was a small pause between the two of us, before she turned her back and began to walk to the door. "Carlisle has been asking about you…" She finally spoke.

I looked away from her and looked to the dull floor. "I've heard," I returned.

"He's worried," She continued. "He is worried that you won't recover from your depression."

I shook my head and felt the corners of my mouth rise in spite. I sniffed and turned back to her, eyes glowering. "As he should be, dear sister," Her eyes lowered sadly as she opened the door to exit. "As he should be…" Alice left me alone to myself and closed the door quietly behind her. I walked back over to the window and sat down once more by the windowsill. For some reason, these past few nights, the only thing that was able to bring a little solace to me was the rising moon. Its exuberance reminded me of Bella's and that made me feel the tiniest spark of hope. Even though hope was a strange emotion for me to feel, it still made me feel as if Bella would be okay from my absence… It still made me think that she would be okay.

And that was all I needed to know to be able to survive.


End file.
